Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
