I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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