Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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