i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
