So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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