I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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