you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
