he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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