i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
