There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
