Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize