yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The adults are the big ones right?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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