I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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