Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
