naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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