Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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