he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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