Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
