Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
