I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
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