I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
