When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
