you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
