Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
