remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize