I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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