Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
