There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
