Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
