i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
