Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
