I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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