Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
