Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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