he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize