I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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