are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
