I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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