so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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