Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
