he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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