Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize