the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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