It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
that may or may not have been my penis.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
