Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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