Your mouth is God's brothel.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
