I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
