Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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