maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
