yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
