I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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