what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize