I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
