It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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