You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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