Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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