"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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