your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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