and you said cock pushups were impossible
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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