People in love make me want to vomit
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
