I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
