So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize