dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
