We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
