I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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