WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
