Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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