they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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