Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
