I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
