Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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