just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
