she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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