you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
