I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
