how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
