oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Say something about gay babies.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
