party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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