im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
