thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
