I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
