Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
