A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Enjoy the penises
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize