just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
