we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
