I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
