dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize