she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And then my night got REAL pukey
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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