Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
