8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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