So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
No more Irish car bombs ever.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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