I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
