I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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