I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
