If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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