this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
FUCK WHALES
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
