If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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