So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
