...so i touched it.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
