is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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