the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
