I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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