have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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