whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
